Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Why are Trump supporters so incredibly stupid?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I have complete contempt for fakery

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

What’s the saddest thing you’ve seen at your job?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

Watch ULA launch Amazon's 2nd batch of Kuiper internet satellites today - Space

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

What is the best way to get my wife to become a hotwife?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I understand how hurricane paths work

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

Baltimore restaurant wins James Beard Award - WBAL-TV

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

What are you struggling with in your life? What would you like to have instead?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

Why do people have polyamorous relationships?

I don’t buy bullshit

I can count

I can read

Is LGBTQ destroying the world?

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

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I have a reading level above third grade

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I know who the president of Turkey really is

Kristopher Mohamed needs help to fund cancer fight - Trinidad and Tobago Newsday

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

Why did Cartman love Heidi purely with heart, her being the first one he ever did, but then one day Butters tells him that all women are manipulative and then he began to believe that she was a bad person and pretended to be a victim?

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

Weekend Box Office: How to Train Your Dragon Dethrones Lilo & Stitch with Fierce $84 Million Debut - Rotten Tomatoes

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

Have you ever had a scary dream about a loved one or friend soon after their death?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Katie Thurston admits Ananda Lewis’ death left her ‘spiraling’ as she battles Stage 4 breast cancer - New York Post

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

What are the signs of mild autism in a child?

I see through liars

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I actually pay taxes

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising